Vulnerability- The quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
I choose to be vulnerable to honor life through my service.
That is my mantra for 2018.
Choosing to be vulnerable may seem like a silly resolution for the New Year. Why would anyone choose to be vulnerable? I think we as women in the modern world are told to be strong, independent, self confident, not relying on others for happiness or self worth. That being vulnerable shows weakness and dependency. Putting yourself out there, it is not something I do very well. I don't like criticism nor do I like to be put in a spotlight neither for good nor for bad. I get embarrassed easily and tend to hide in dark corners in life. Honestly sometimes I don't even like me. Thoughts go through my head daily...why did I say that? did I seem rude to her? OMG she is probably laughing at me now..........
Most of the time my true voice eventually appears and tells me "don't be silly, we all have moments of questioning ourselves." Don't we?
I feel as though this year is for growth. Every year is for growth, we all want to be better people, women, mothers, daughters but this year is for My growth. My kids growth. Putting myself out there, my whole self , my true self. It will be difficult, and I will fail. It will go against my grain and my mental strength but I will come back to the line of reason. I need this to be a whole mother and a whole woman. I will strive to be vulnerable the rest of my days.
A few of my more public "vulnerable" goals for 2018.
* Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep volunteering. This on his probably my scariest resolution for 2018. I have been drawn to NILMDTS for a few years but stop before I even start out of fear of not being able to perform my service without being a complete mess. For anyone who doesn't know. NILMDTS is a non-profit that offers a free service to parents who have lost a child at birth. It is a wonderful gift to the families of loss but a difficult task for those who give this service. And I'm scared. But I will choose to be vulnerable to honor life through my service. I will.
* Start a Travel Blog and GET OUT THERE- I'm most excited for this venture in 2018. It is a huge task, I'm not 100% sure where to start or what to do but I am determined to make this happen for me and for my family.
* Ask for help with my children and my messy home. Anyone with kids know, it's a huge job. AND we love it but in being present and being my kids mom sometimes I lose sight on what is important. I LOVE a clean house, it helps me think straight and sometimes I focus more on having a clean house then being engaged with my kids. That stops now. I'm asking for help, more help. Plain and simple. I will find a way to have a housekeeper and maybe even a regular sitter/tutor for my boys so I can maintain a healthy, happy, loving relationship with them as well as keep my sanity.
* More in person marketing around my community for Michele Paniz Photography. This is not my strength. I hate walking up to woman and chatting them up but in this business of photography it is pretty much the most effective way of securing a community and relationships with new moms. So I will put myself out there and deal with the rejection. I can do this.
* Yoga. More yoga. Hot yoga. I am not flexible nor have I been consistent in my work out regiment these past years but taking care of myself is taking care of my family.......
So in 2018 I choose to be vulnerable.
The Mother of Wolves